Thursday, April 17, 2014

Could you be an Accountant?


 
You, or a loved one, might be on the road to ruin if you have the characteristics of an accountant. To help you avoid this horrible future, a team of psychologist developed the following list of traits. If one or more of these traits apply to you, please seek professional help.

 If you have a tax loophole named after you,
You might be an accountant.
If you call your child My Little Dependent,
You might be an accountant.
If your child thinks there are five seasons in the year: spring, summer, fall, winter, and tax season,
You might be an accountant.
If your child thinks Little Bo Peep got a casualty loss deduction for her sheep,
You might be an accountant.
If you know the cost of everything, but the value of nothing,
You might be an accountant.
If you sort your socks before you wash them,
You might be an accountant.
If you think you’re popular because someone asked you for directions.
            You might be an accountant
If you go insane when someone folds a map the wrong way,
You might be an accountant.
If your alarm clock has a calculator function,
You might be an accountant.
If you think Ex Lax is a deductible moving expense,
You might be an accountant.
If you don’t know that GAP is a clothing store,
You might be an accountant.
If you solve problems that people didn’t know they had,
 in way that they don’t understand,
You might be an accountant.
If you don’t have the charisma to be a mortician,
You might be an accountant.
If you don’t know that CPA stands for Constant Pain in the Ass,
You might be an accountant.
If you think God created Attorneys to make your fees look reasonable,
You might be an accountant.
If you get upset that the bank Debits your account when it takes money away,
You might be an accountant.
If you know what a debit is, you’re doomed.
If you round off numbers to two digits just to prove you are not anal,
You might be an accountant.
If you inventory cattle by counting their legs and dividing by four,
You might be an accountant.
If you can’t sleep because counting sheep is too exciting,
You might be an accountant.
If you see everything in black and red,
You might be an accountant.
If you refer to April as harvest season, or think April 16th is a national holiday
You might be an accountant.
If you’re considered the life of the party at insurance agent’s conventions,
You might be an accountant.
If your cardiologist asks you to be an organ donor to assure that a deserving person will get an unused heart,
You might be an accountant.
If you know that there are three types of accountants: those that can count and those that can’t,
You might be an accountant.
If your car gets 50 miles per gallon and you never go anywhere,
You might be an accountant.
If you think pocket protectors will have a revival, and that green eye-shades are a fashion statement,
You might be an accountant.
If your idea of trashing a motel room is refusing to fill out the quest comment card,
You might be an accountant.
If you stared at your orange juice for three hours because the box said Concentrate,
You might be an accountant.
If your wife cures her insomnia by asking about your work day,
You might be an accountant.
If you think IRS stands for I’m Rarely Sexy,
You might be an accountant.
If you’re jealous that a male sperm has a 1 in a million chance of becoming human,
You might be an accountant.
If you know 30 ways to make love, but have never done one of them,
You might be an accountant.
If you get sexually excited when you hear double entry,
You might be an accountant.
If you think a marginal tax rate is the cost of getting some on the side,
You might be an accountant.
If you think an early withdrawal penalty is a sexual dysfunction,
You might be an accountant.
If you consider sex a charitable gift,
You might be an accountant.
If your personality is an effective form of birth control,
You might be an accountant.
If you go to sleep with the prayer, “Oh God, please give me the wisdom to distinguish the important from the trivial, and help me relax about the insignificant details, please start at 10:53:16 am, Pacific Standard Time, tomorrow,
You might be an accountant.
And finally,

If you didn’t laugh at these jokes,
You might be an accountant.

2 comments:

  1. Well Dave, you should have numbered them so I could say I thought number x, was funny, where an actual number is substituted for the x. BUT, since you didn't, you must be an accountant!

    ReplyDelete